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Clarence has under control. Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, but only for one month. Steve Urkel: [on the stage of the strip club] Stop the music! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts? 11 days ago. A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. Harriette Winslow: [Eddie got pulled over by the cops, and a ticket] What was the problem? Carl and Eddie are also shocked too]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship. Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. There's room for you and there's room for me although let's be quite honest, you take up a lot more room than me. Steve Urkel: Waldo, how could you do this to me? Ms. Steuben: Get a hold of yourself, Steven. Laura Lee Winslow: Did you get any sleep? You got the whole family off on the wrong foot. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, your old man's read a book or two. What about it, Steve. What are you doing with these bells? Bye! Undaunted, Steve switches the station to polka music and ends up having a good time dancing with Waldo and Maxine], Carl: By the way, thanks for letting me use your chamber, Stefan. We've got cheerleaders taller than him. Think of the possibilities.". Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: We took in $2,000 dad and we want you to have it. Carl Otis Winslow: [after picking up Eddie who was arrested for gambling] Edward, stop looking around for Steve, he's at his own home having this same conversation with his parents. I mean the guy's a feeb. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh gee that'd scare me. Newsflash, Eddie! I don't *ever* want to work for you again. Eddie: Did Halle Berry return my phone call? Bushwhacker Luke: 'Cause they couldn't catch her till then! Steve Urkel: I can't help it, Laura. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Then, you'll need a wide-angle lense. Just blacked out for a second there! Join. Well, why didn't you tell me? Harriette Winslow: Is this your snowmobile? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It! Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! You ever been down to the slaughterhouse? Eddo. Harriette Winslow: I simply put out his cigar. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Harriette Winslow: But, apparently, you seem to want to learn these things the hard way, so be it. Harriette Winslow: [Opens the candy box] Candy missing. Carl: I am not. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I'm missing the parade. You would win the gold. Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Carl Otis Winslow: Calm down, Harriette, you're overreacting. Due to the Urkel character's off-putting characteristics and the way he would stir up events and underscore the plot or even move . Let's just hope we can rub off on him before he rubs off on 3J. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I got one of those once, did you know the sidewalk isn't a passing lane? We were just having a little fun. Dr. Goodrich: Ms. Crawford, I am a medical doctor, not a carnival act! Steve Urkel: No state your name not name your state. Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! I'm starved. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Uh no, Waldo, state your name. Stop the music! Rachel Crawford: Well, Steve, I am your boss. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Oh man I didn't think you were this cool. Shen I suggested it, her lovely eyes were momentarily clouded with nausea. And most of all, you don't have to deal with bullies. Laura: Steve, I can't talk now. Why she is woman, hear me roar. I love you more than life itself. This library card is proof that ONE person can make a difference. Harriette Winslow: Are your parents happy with the new you? Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish! Laura Lee Winslow: Now, for the championship and the toaster oven, who made the first patented shoe sewing machine? Waldo Faldo from Illinois. Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's the whole school! Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. Steve Urkel: You know, every time you laugh you burn off three and a half calories? He's having the same discussion with his father. Harriette Winslow: Every time she stops, she starts all over again. Can you believe that? Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, put a cork in it, Missy! Look how big and thick it is! Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: But you humilate me everyday. I've got the STD, all I need is U." 3. There's no justification for this behavior! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: What'cha gonna do, Willie? Carl: You know, bowling was a great idea. When's the last time you slept? Where did you get the money for this? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Where are we going, Willie? No. During the class picture, you don't have to sit with the girls in the front row and hold up the class. Rise! Some of our pickup lines are just for laughs. Chain: It occurs to me that you could be wired. Harriette Winslow: Oh lord. Uh, Curtis. Harriette: Don't even think like that. [does Steve's laugh and snort]. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: The librarian, a white man that I'd known all my life, pushed me out into the street and told me never to come back. I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. Harriette Winslow: Why? You're my friend. Rachel Crawford: I'll just take your word for it. Steve Urkel: Is there anything I can do for you while I'm down here waiting? I got fifty bucks on the Knicks. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. [reading] "Mongu! Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. 12. r/Unexpected. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I'm up in Laura's room and she looks at me, and she asks 'Why, Mom? Steve Urkel: Whoa. Harriette Winslow: And deliberately sat us next to a cigar smoker. Why, you teach us things about life! Carl Otis Winslow: Thanks for the present son. Carl: Maybe you can even resurrect your band. Laura Lee Winslow: I'm not sure what day is this? Waldo: Sure you have. [Stefan tries to stop the chamber and the chamber ends up being busted. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It's a tradition in the Urkel family to not consummate the marriage for three months. [Steve thinks Rachel is in love with him, but she is really in love with another man named Steve]. Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. "Some people are ignorant, they're afraid, they hate anybody and anything that's different. Sheldon is rude, vain, obnoxious, and one-dimensional. It's fascinating. Stefan Urquelle. Who? Laura: By being born first. Easy Eddo. Never snort with a hangover! The next minute rump roast! [skips away from Stefan and Myra towards the elevator. You kissed me. Steve Urkel: We met once. Then Urkel shows up with Eddie and Carl and the crowd cheers for him]. No, you're not invited. Steve Urkel: Did I mention my dad knows Wayne Newton? Carl Otis Winslow: Only 2 of them were his. Steve Urkel: Now, relax, Eddie. [just got lemon tart filling thrown at him]. Well, he got it trapped in the rear door of a Buick and was dragged eight and a half blocks. Myra Monkhouse: Um, one plus one equals fun? Harriette Winslow: [Rachel carries on about how sad it is Aunt Clotilda died] She was 94 years old. Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. Harriette Winslow: [enters the house and sees Curtis] Hi. Harriette Winslow: So what you're saying is it's full. So, is it all right with you? Steve Urkel: [as Waldo hands Steve a cup of the spiked punch] Why should I Laura, I'm the pife of the larty! Steve Urkel: Oh, please, Laura. Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! You can do it! Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, do you mind if your old grandmother tells you a story? Carl: Rachel, you're putting entirely too much filling in those. "Pass the salt, Edward." Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn". "Nubbles Sucks Face with Nerd!". Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for? Waldo: Don't do it, Urkel! Steve Urkel: Thanks. Steve Urkel: How tough am I? [laughs] But you never smile! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. Steve began working on more elaborate inventions, and in "Little Big Guy" he had a new idea. Trying to cover it up only make things worse. Did I do that? Harriette Winslow: Before you stormed out of the house, I forgot to mention to you that I called OGD's Grandmother back in Detroit. Edward, sure I got a moment. Why he showed great strength of character and what's his reward: you fire him. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Carl: I just had the worst day of my entire life. Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say. Steve Urkel: Really? Why would somebody do this to me?' Carl Otis Winslow: You know you were rude to that guy, Harriette. Family Matters is an American sitcom series that originated on ABC from September 22, 1989 to May 9, 1997, before moving to CBS from September 19, 1997 to July 17, 1998. I'll tell you something else, Allison, I may not be the most trendy guy on campus, or the best looking and I'm CERTAINLY not the most coordinated. Lady in Strip Club: Shut up and shake your booty! He's fanning his hace with a plate as Eddie walks in]. So I walked in the library, sugar, I couldn't believe my eyes, there were THOUSANDS of books just sitting there waiting to be read. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: That's big talk coming from a guy in Italy. Steve Urkel: [ice pack on his head from a hangover, Carl just told him a story from his drinking days] Eh he he, ow, eh he he ow, [snorts] WHOOAAOOH! Stefan and Myra of left stunned]. I probably had the heater up on high and they wilted. Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. Wha? [kisses Laura] Love you. [sees the kids] Oh my Lord! Harriette Winslow: Not as rough as Aunt Clotilda. The Its PurpL logo features the young mug of White as Steve Urkel, with his signature Coke-bottle spectacles and high-top fade haircut that blends into a purple haze riding above the floating. OGD now knows the police aren't enemies]. Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, The real Psycho Twins would have still been in the ring wrestling, If It wasn't for Your stupid sleepy juice. Myra Monkhouse: Eddie, Waldo? He left the minute we put a warrant up for his arrest. It can't explode or anything? Laura Lee Winslow: Then she demanded her money back when she found out that she modeled ladies underwear. Laura: Well, that's because you have self-confidence. Steve Urkel: [about the music video] This is going to be the biggest bomb since Howard the Duck. Eddie: I just did the laundry and I'm on my way out to wash the car and cut the grass. Carl Otis Winslow: Alright Harriette, you were a liiiiiiiittle abrasive tonight. Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, what's going on in here? You're always sorry. Wha? Forget it, Steve. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I kept this ring in hopes that one day you would accept it. Rachel Crawford: Little Richie spoke his first word. And what about the car show last Saturday? My mom's the one who really messed up. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to Officer Wigglesworth as played by Carl] We're on the same side of the law. Maxine: Ugh, what is this? Steve Urkel: Now that Waldo's out of the picture, does that make me your number one reject? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl hasn't moved that fast since he chased a doughnut down hill. Eddie: [while Eddie and Carl where doing wiring for the satelite dish] Be Careful with those wires Dad. We should put those pictures in the school paper. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What? My daughter's been hurt and I can't do a thing about it. You trifled with my emotions! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What kind of plans? You're standing on my finger! [leaves]. Get me a cherry slurpy! And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. Three times X equals six. Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Her temperature shot up and she tossed more cookies than the Keebler elf. "Family Matters Quotes." Carl: Son, I am no neophyte when it comes to electronics. Laura: Where did you get the money for this? SUBSCRIBE to get the latest. Myra Monkhouse: No, I came to visit my Aunt Monica, she's the Reverend Mother here, now why on earth would I join a convent? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It was on his tongue! Steve Urkel on CBS? Rachel Crawford: Exactly what were Eddie's instructions? That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house. Harriette: Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk. I can't! Rachel Crawford: I'm what? "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". Harriette Winslow: She's still pretty upset, she wouldn't even touch her dinner. Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Steven Quincy Urkel: [Grabs a blanket and a pillow and heads to the bathroom only to rush back out seconds later] No! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No no no no no. Steve Urkel: You said, "Get a life, Steve", A week ago you would have said, "Get a life, TURBONERD". To rob and murder? Steve, what happened? Stefan Urkelle: It's not just a transformation chamber. [Greg leaves as Willie walks in with Waldo and the crowd boos him. Harriette Winslow: And I always mark the year, you gave it to me. Stefan Urkelle: Where did you learn all that? Rachel Crawford: Oh. I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids. Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok. Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. None of this is your fault. Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! Can't see a darn thing. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I couldn't even go in. I'll be in all the videos. Empty the cash register! [Calls Laura's Cell and gets OGD instead]. Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Yup. Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! Waldo: You guys think you can walk all over me because I'm dumb. Reading, 'Riting and Racism? Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. [Carl steps in the chamber and Stefan starts it up]. Steve Urkel: Uh-oh. [Puts his jacket on and heads to the Door], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! Rachel Crawford: Sort of an Urkel Exchange Program? Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating? I just wish it would all go away, Daddy. Am is a verb, verbs are our friends. Laura: Maybe not, there has to be some guy who doesn't have a date. No. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: All the way home, and the next day I cried all the way back to the library. Sorry I'm late, but I got my tongue stuck in the printing press. More like The Repulsions. Harriette Winslow: Carl, out first table was next to the entrance where everybody was waiting to be seated. I'm going to give you an 'A'. It was right in your favorite spot. . [Steve goes to answer the door] I'm going to consummate, I'm going to consummate. Urkel defeats him]. Steve Urkel: To keep the camera on him and forget all the other meatheads. It's a cool chamber. Upload. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story" 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'. I was in a high-speed car chase and ran out of gas. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Eddie swoops in and starts taking pictures]. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left. I just caught her, that's all. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Willie Fuffner: Because, he humiliated me! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [nervous laughter] Great Wedding, huh dad. Steve Urkel: I can't! Pull your gun right now. I never got an 'A' before. Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. Carl Otis Winslow: [Has just gotten wind of Eddie's flyer party] Edward! Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. Steve Urkel: [sobbing] In about a week or so, but she gonna have to miss the prom. Steve Urkel: 'Standardized Urkel Elementary Math Exam'.