husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcynon valley history. Something I would like you to keep in the back of your mind: I dont know whether your husband has anxiety or not, I dont know whether he is controlling or not. I tell him that if he was in my shoes, I would be supportive. Its a lot less horrendous than deglove, whats the issue? Get that man into counseling, pronto. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. I would say most of his issues stem from his childhood trauma and some possible but undiagnosed Aspergers (he has closely observed human behavior to figure out whats expected, is a brilliant programmer, works on empathy). But regardless, he needs to respect the demands of her job and treat her like an adult. Right on the top!! Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. Its not a geographic nexus of evil or on a Hellmouth or anything, cmon! Excuse me? OP, I really hesitate to use the word abuse when it comes to anyone elses relationship, but this post is giving me bad flash backs to a boyfriend who did this kind of thing to me all the time and I now know that it was psychological, emotional abuse and manipulation. Because someone whos having this kind of anxiety is going to get worse, not better if they do nothing to address the underlying issue. Oh dear. Flights and hotels are cheap, because of the focus on tourists everything is really convenient for travelers, the food is good, there are great conference facilities. They did indeed get married, and unsurprisingly, it ended in spectacularly bad fashion. Has the OPs spouse ever even BEEN to Vegas? This is a man who is trying to actively sabotage her career. A good couples counselor who can handle the individual issues after using the couple-relationship to establish a good rapport with an individual who is resistant to treatment in a traditional one-on-one setting is not a bad way to start tackling these issues, and has the added bonus of giving the OP an opportunity to select a therapist she trusts. She Won't Tell Her Husband the Gender of Their Baby Because He Refused of course im very careful around others who drink and make it a point to be responsible and not get carried away, kwim? I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. All of us can comment all we want about how innocuous this trip is, and how much of an overreaction this is, but it doesnt change the facts from where youre sitting. My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). Security at casinos is greater than that at Fort Knox. .Im pretty sure my m-in-l would do that. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy?. Plan some quiet time or independent activities if you're getting frustrated. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. It may not be, in this case. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. Or I can save you the time and point out that I characterized him as jealous and controlling, and never used the word yall seem determined to stick in my mouth. Those were a big hit. Marriage counseling is good for me so I know how to commute to her and not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off the on a tangent. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. Projecting your particular set of issues on to everyone else really is not helpful. Just live in an exurb of a big city rather than a small town), they find this baffling. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation You have obviously not spent much time in New York City. You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. Wilberforce agrees with meeee!. My Husband Didn't Want Me to Go on Vacation With His Family They have PUDDING, OP. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? Whether anxiety is a contributing factor or not, thats all it is. I travel for work a lot, and quite often to Vegas people have conventions and meetings in Vegas because (1) the attendees generally like it and (2) there are a lot of hotels and meeting space. Perhaps Allison can clarify and correct if needed? Apparently the husband hasnt been to Las Vegas recently, because now its like Disneyland with slot machines. who believe the TV/movie depictions of the city and sort of forget that there are people who live there and work there, going about their everyday lives. Him: I ignored it. It ended up taking us 16 hours, but I didn't think it was bad at all. Yup. I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. Ment would not. Ive pretty much given up on trips for fun. I dont think that would help the situation, however. A dancer charged a bunch of stuff on my credit card. (sees where incident happened) Or maybe, you bought 10 bottles of Cristal for strippers and then panicked when your accounting department asked for a receipt? You definitely need counseling, and he may need his own as well. For the more immediate concerns, maybe you could also suggest scheduling a phone call every night or something to help put his mind at ease, and that yall meet with a counselor to help work through his concerns. Im glad you left that loser. OP, how long do you think you can tolerate his behavior? And people are all I wouldnt let my wife go we have done bigger problems here. is a really good sign! CES, the Consumer Electronics Show is held there yearly, and is a massive tech conference, millions of square feet of conference space. It is a diverse and lively neighborhood with fantastic food choices and interesting shops. But they LOVE the idea of going there and want you to have lots of fun! Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. And not his fault, it was mine! But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. Statistically, the most dangerous part of this trip is the car drive to the airport. Your stops will be longer because you'll have to take the baby out of the carseat for a little bit. Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. Slot machines are boring, table games make me anxious, I dont like to lose money when I could shop with it instead. And shes the main provider in the family? Im still trying to figure a way out of it, but I wish I hadnt given in to his demands in the first place. I am sitting in my car at the airport catching up on AAM before I get back to life and guess where I came from? We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. But its also wildly irrelevant in terms of a OPs business trip. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) And in 2 days Im heading east solo for a wedding. My wife is suffering from both major depression and anxiety, and she has her individual sessions to work on her mental health issue and were in marriage counseling to work on ourselves as a couple. At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. And heres what wethink will help. At tax time we make about the same but for my emergency calls its hard to keep up. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcomo llegar a los alpes franceses husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Yes, this. I just want to come back to the point about where the first fear of his that you list off, OP, is that youre going to cheat on him. Ill be honest, my first thought was not anxiety, but control and maybe future abuse. ? and his friends being like yeah man, Vegas is a scummy place for scummy people. update: how can I turn down training requests from my clients? So in addition to all his other faults, you then learned that he had asshole friends. But thats a separate issue. Also, they have very little money, so we are . I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. Ive been to Vegas. Sounds great. Honestly, I just wasnt used to having someone worry about me. I guess I read that differently than everyone else? He may be social with neighbors and coworkers, but hes not a friendly guy. The following photos show exactly what can go wrong when you try to take a family photo. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. And you can get into crazy stuff in any city, really; Vegas has developed a reputation for it to bring in tourism money, but there are parties and bars and even gambling in lots of other large cities in the U.S. FWIW, I am a married woman and had to travel to Vegas many times for work, and had to drive to dozens of locations the entire time. Thoughts? I am angered that every time I have to go he seems to have an emotional breakdown. In either case, I should have ended it. This feels partly like a reputation versus reality thing, like New York City a decade or so back, when I kept telling people to stop worrying about crime when they were planning a visit to the safest large city in the country. A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. Me: Um, what now? If someone tells my son, I am a thief, or. I was /thisclose/ to emigrating to another continent at one point, tbh. I agree. I mean, it isnt like he is supporting them. For sure gamboling DOES occur in Vegas, same as gambling :). Its also putting some stress on our relationship, because Im starting to feel resentful about the time I have to spend reassuring you. Things to consider!! *Now having said all that, I 100% agree that the husband is over-reacting*. The next obvious thing is, we all get to be as irrational as we want. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. Hes already proven himself to be irrational, I think his presence will not help LW even a little. Im going to start with a description, because people often ignore this anxiety is a horrible physical and mental state to be in. He can see how boring Vegas really is. Also, if the OP is there for work, chances are shell be in meetings all day and then answering emails in her room at night. Its not just a place to go party. And dirt cheap which I am guessing is why so many business conferences are set at that location. A year? I shut that down fast by reminding her I was working an evening shift that ended at 11 PM. Does he realize people, like, live in Las Vegas and have perfectly normal lives? I still think he worries about my safety a bit too much (and whoa, good Im not headed to war zones at this point in my career! Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. And I dont know whether I asked permission, exactly, to plan some activities on my own this weekend to decompress from a week of solo child care, but I did run it by her she was of course supportive, but sometimes with this kind of planning there are scheduling issues we have to work out. But yeah, were both supportive of the other taking trips. Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. Either his friends are also super controlling and/or prone to irrational fears or he totally fabricated the story about asking if other people would let their wives go to Las Vegas for work. 8 1 11 1. I suppose anxiety could make his control issues more prominent, but to me his behavior is just a glaring red flag. Good luck! (Im glad to report that years later she is completely reasonable and sensible about these things and I love her dearly!). Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. But not wholesome. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. But because a good counselor will see that there is no point and dismiss the couple. We have been arguing and I just don't know what to do. Spend the whole day 10+ hours (for me) at the Bath House in Mandalay Bay. Spiking drinks, assault, kidnapping happen in tiny places as well as large places. Either way, hes being unreasonable and interfering with your career, andcounseling to figure out whats at the root of that is stilla good step here. Im a husband sometimes prone to irrational fears about if my wife is okay. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. When I was growing up, my mom would take a week off in the winter and go on vacation with one or two friends. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. If possible, Id suggest both individual and joint counseling. me go. I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? Youre going to DIE!. They are for sure marketing themselves as a place you can party it up (and you certainly can do that) but again, thats not unwholesome in and of itself. Whoever heard of such a thing, going to Sin City for work! Spouses dont LET. I actually agree that the comment section here can jump to that explanation a little too quickly and without anything in the letter to support it, but they arent in hysterics about it. Roppongi it is! Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. Hee! (Also worth mentioning: The ways weve developed the concept of masculinity in the US mean that many guys express anxious feelings as anger, so look out for that too.) My husband still asks sometimes if hes allowed to go do things, like go to the pub with his friends without me, and it irks me because even though I know hes joking I dont like that he even pretends that I am a stereotypical ball and chain. My SO has been to more conferences in Vegas than I think anywhere else because of the ease with which hotel rooms can be acquired. Oh, every election season angry people show up at 538 to explain that a poll of their social group shows 100% agreement with OP on everything, and so clearly the official polls are generated by a Vast Conspiracy. AP, this is just a wonderful post. Nail on head, right here. You (and a therapist) would know better. (also, the remedy would normally be that both the wife and husband go to Vegas, not that the husband bans the business trip), I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple.. Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. But it is a common business trip destination for the reasons others have noted and certainly poses no danger to anyone with common sense. Nope. None which should be affecting your ability to do your job. Bucks. He told me one day that the previous weekend, a few months before the upcoming wedding, his fiance broke up with him while they were sitting on the couch watching TV. I think youre right, but I think just as often people jump to an abuse/controlling scenario when it involves a relationship. I second Alisons advice that marital counseling is needed. Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. I noticed that as well. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. Not the least of which is that the people involved all made that choice for themselves there was no issues of someone letting or not. Yeah, my husband takes business trips to Vegas multiple times a year. Thank you for sharing this. OP this is the kind of thing Id bring up in therapy what you will do and what you will NOT do. A great thing to consider would be inviting a few friends over on Friday night for Shabbat dinner. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. That isnt what the follow-up says, it says they object that they would even let their significant others go. Just a quick note to say can people please stop calling it abuse and then recommending marriage counselling in the same breath. I think some boundaries are needed here. I think on a more general level Spouse doesnt want me to go *can* be an actual, non-abusive thing, in certain circumstances (new baby at home for example, or a health crisis or other emergency where Hey, is there ANY way you can get out of this trip? might be a reasonable thing to ask. Husband is not fair when it comes to my family (his inlaws). It is NOT his choice whether you go! My cousins wife asks permission for everything and it makes me side-eye that entire side of my family. Yeah man, sure, that uh really sucks? I think. Some couples like a lot of separate space between them, others dont. If your job is like mine, youll be standing all day training people on new products and campaigns and be totally exhausted at the end of the day. 4 Things To Remember When Taking Your Partner On A Family Vacation For I said this above, but I read this phrase as his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. If the problem isnt the one everyone jumps on, that means the LW get a lot of useless advice on a problem they dont have. Obviously were just two strangers on the internet, so you can take that data point for whatever its worth. And hes trying to sabotage your livelihood with his nonsense? If its my wife is going to a business conference.. Even if he does have some kind of anxiety disorder, he needs to recognize that this behavior isnt reasonable in a relationship, and marriage counseling is a great way to work out problems in a relationship. I also love Vegas. That shows lack of trust in me, and thats no bueno. She visited exactly once, got off in a suburb where the homes start at 300K and started screaming about getting shot at. My Husband Wants My Mother- In- Law on The Trip!!! I dont think hed bring up that the majority of people he asked thought he was wrong.