And that he can't be happy with someone when he's not. If your boyfriend broke up with you because hes depressed or unhappy, you can be certain he didnt make a quick decision. It's not my fault! I don't know what to do. Do you think its the depression and anxiety talking as to why he broke up with me? Ever since that day we moved on to being in couple, every single day, every single moments were the happiest and the best of my life, of our life. He may not necessarily come back to you for love because he might not let go of old perceptions of you. During extensive heated anger prone interactions, try to keep your cool. Over the phone, he broke up with me. This article will discuss what can happen when your boyfriend, who is dealing with depression, breaks up with you. I made the decision to leave the relationship, I didnt want to, but I didnt want to add to his stress and having to worry about pleasing me. This should be your priority other wise your partner is going to make you anxious and force you to overinvest in him and the relationship. From the article above, the topic My depressed boyfriend broke up with me is discussed. 3) Do depressed people go through the same stages of dumpers remorse as others? I understand why the break up happened because he has too many things to deal with. He could never out me first, no matter how much I gave I got nothing in return. It really makes me mad because this probably only made it worse, she probably feel like she cant be helped at all and lose hope in any help, and it probably played on her mental health again since then. My Depressed Boyfriend Broke Up With Me And Feels He Needs To Be Alone If you want to get back to him even though he is depressed you can try to change things up. He is going to therapy. Ok, first and foremost, I'm very happy that in a relationship as hard as this one, you found the resilience to fight for it. If his view of you changed, he might not as hell date other people. If anything, it will increase his need for space and make him want to come back even less. I feel abandoned let down but to hear him sobbing and telling me I deserved so much better than him, that he couldnt give me what I wanted even though all I ever asked for was his time broke my heart. It has been commonly understood that positive symptoms of schizophrenia decline in later life, https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/divorcing-depression#Helping a depressed spouse. I am quite confused and im unsure what to do, how to feel, how to react, so writing it down ease my mind. Thank you Zan it helped me to see why he did not try to have a talk to get through issues first. We met when he transferred into my class and took a seat next to me.. These emotions are likely a natural part of losing touch with someone who mattered to you. My depressed boyfriend broke up with me (7 ways to reconnect) It breaks my heart. Ive seen this happen many times and its honestly very sad. But the truth is that theyre only being half honest. Hi there. But I know its not possible & it truly hurts. Im going through the same situation. They express that the breakup is not their girlfriends fault and that they have some things to figure out on their own. Its one of those things that can affect dumpers in bad and good ways. Everything was going well in our relationship, occasional fights here & there but nothing truly significant. He could just be dealing with stress and doesnt know how to handle his stress. He said he has thought about about it a lot and he hasnt been truly happy for a while and doesnt feel the same as he used to. If you are on the verge of breaking up or getting a divorce with your partner, the first thing you need to do is to understand the critical consequences of depression not only on the relationship but also on both of your mental health. Its difficult to face a breakup on its own but to also see the man you love go through so much pain hurts more. And he believes him. Just because someone is depressed, has anxiety, or [insert mental illness here], doesn't mean you should write them off. Share your thoughts below. 791. Genes are not the only factor responsible though. I told him I will wait for him while he works things out. It might be good to start considering what to do in the future about this relationship. 1) Should I be present for him during his hard times as a friend? If you know your boyfriend has been struggling with depression, you might have realized his behaviors have changed over time. He told me to focus on myself too and work on myself and whenever Im sad to use that as motivation. Thanks for your question. I know, for a fact, he suffers from a depression. TOPICS HEALTH INFO. Its brought me a lot of strength and hope as Im going through the same thing recently. The rearing environment has a meaningful impact on risk for major depression, and this effect is likely mediated both by parental depression and the continuity or disruption of the home environment. Know that it is not you. Hi, I'm actually going through the exact same thing with my boyfriend. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-medrectangle-3-0'); As with any other breakup, you can feel like you did something wrong, maybe that you didnt care for them enough. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. Boyfriend Broke Up with Me Because He is Depressed If hes acting differently now (lets say hes going out, partying, meeting new people), he most likely isnt depressed. You can't wait around forever, but what you can do is try to live your life well and if things turn around, great - if not, you've still got your life. If I may ask, how is everything going with you and your girlfriend now? Breakups caused by depression are more common than you may think. But if hes avoiding people, blaming himself, and missing out on sleep, then hes likely dealing with the real deal and needs a lot of understanding. He did say, its me, not you. Later on though he said I was a wonderful person and he doesnt want to lose me. Manage Settings Its not just people with depression who distance themselves from others. We spent everyday focusing on our studies, our work, while building our love, our relashionship, looking forward to that future together where we would finally be able to be together. I also dated a guy for six months, had a crazy connection, then he broke it off because he was depressed and lost. Well just make it simple and split them up into two types; long-term and short-term. Its something dumpers do to avoid dealing with a highly emotional situation. 3 days ago my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me. Its really sad and i was heartbroken that she decided that, but on the other hand i know it is for the best, i only hope she feels better and manage to heal, and be happy. Which didnt get better. Its not you, its me is an excuse dumpers use to prevent dumpees from blaming them for the breakup and making things difficult for them. Theyre the people who have your best interests at heart and are more than happy to prove that by helping you when youre feeling down. I wish you are doing very well now after 20 days. By distancing himself from you, he can stop worrying about your wants and needs and focus only on his. They are quite doubtful about their potentials and suffer from constant conflict about their own self worth. Heres a picture explaining the difference between internal and external happiness. This is hard to hear, but you need to be aware of that possibility, Amy. So we broke up. The same is true for your ex. I think it might give you some good insight into what's going on with your boyfriend. And just to be able to know Im still the person he wants to be with. She doesnt know why she wake up mean and irritated towards me, and that she is afraid she will keep feeling this way and hurt me. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and, unfortunately, you aren't alone (or maybe that will make you feel better). So if youre wondering why your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression, heres the answer youre looking for. But when something bad happens (not implying that it will), he could want someone to help him get through his misery. Depression My boyfriend broke up with me because his depression and anxiety has gotten worse. Hell most likely need some kind of incentive to respect you, love you, and want to be with you. It was like he was pulling away from me. You have to make sure your husband/boyfriend is motivated to engage in day to day activities as well as recreations such as hobbies, games etc. He told me he didnt treat me the way I should be treated and I dont deserve that because Im an amazing person. She doesnt know why she is feeling this way, she is upset because she wish she could give me a reason, she feels guilty that she is wasting my time. When family abandons you: what to do next? Heres how you can tell if your ex-boyfriend is telling the truth. In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. My Depressed Boyfriend Broke Up With Me And Feels He Needs To Be Alonehow Do I Show Him That We Can Be Together? Difference in brain activity especially in the prefrontal cortex is found to be a neurological cause behind anhedonia. You need to heal before you consider being in a romantic relationship. Why Is My Ex So Mean When My Ex Broke Up With Me? My boyfriend of nearly 5 months just broke up with me, saying he was too messed up to be in a relationship. It means that he needs to work on improving his coping mechanism and staying in love even if you dont always reach his expectations. He just knew he couldnt bear it. There were times he triggered my trauma too, but I was able to forgive him for it but he says he still hasnt forgiven me. I am so torn right nowalthough we have only been together for a short time (four months), what we had was real. About a month into the breakup now, it was very confusing at first and it wasnt apparent what my boyfriend wanted. Everything in our relashionship went well, as usual, until when she started her 2nd year of college in September 2020. It tells him youll soon want him to reach your standards and meet your needs, so hed rather not stick around for that. Bipolar Boyfriend Suddenly Broke Up With Me But Then Changed To Break Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. Sorry for the long message! He needed to break up with you, be it temporarily, because some aspect or aspects of the . You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'psychreel_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_3',106,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-medrectangle-4-0'); In case you are new to all this, lets understand a little about what depression is. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), I Cheated On My Boyfriend And He Broke Up With Me, My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me And I Want Him Back. Another thing that will help you cope is finding new hobbies and activities. I want back what we had. He should understand that you werent the main cause of his issues and that hes ready to receive and give love. When you are breaking up with someone you are still in love with, it might be good, to be honest. I could sleep and eat better now and could enjoy movie/books. It can also make them feel like they have no energy, as well as being isolated. In which you can speak about your thoughts and feelings without being judged. Recently, his mother called him up and was very upset that his dad wanted to finalize the divorce with his mother and ever since then he has been distant and all. going thru this right now.. a week in today and non contact with him im so sad and confused but also cant even begin to imagine what HE is going through this is really hard for me. Depression sometimes puts additional weight on a relationship and makes the couple struggle to stay emotionally connected. She said she doesnt love me the same way as before, that she doesnt feel happy anymore. I was in a loving, committed, stable, relationship for 1.5 years with my boyfriend before this recent event. You shouldnt feel too bad and think that hes secretly looking for you to care about him and help him. Did they ever contact you and come back ? It can be inferred that your boyfriend might have had extreme mood fluctuations which made him take such a decision of breaking up. He told me we could still be friends but I dont want that, I told him we couldnt be. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Insight desperately needed. He said its been very difficult with his anxiety and depression and feels like he needs to talk to a therapist. You have a lot to think about but there are resources and I wish you all the best as you try to figure this out. He even apologized for the relationship being one sided that he was sorry for neglecting me for 2 or 3 weeks and would do better. Me and my girlfriend have been in a long distance relashionship for almost 3.5 years now. During this time we barely fought and were super compatible--we were always joking around and having fun. Mine has less depression,(bizzare creative spurts of painting and playing the piano) but mood swings peaking into euphoria most of the time. I am going through the same thing as of last night. As a dumpee, you likely cant tell whether your ex-boyfriend is telling the truth or if hes just unhappy with you. And that only leaves you with one thing to do. . Hope you are keeping well! For now, give him the space he needs and focus on yourself. It is not even them. With proper communication you will be able to understand the true nature of your partners mental illness thereby helping him in getting a proper cure. How long did it take? What is way more important than your relationship is your partners health. Even though it may have its ups and downs, so do all relationships. . And although that is the case, the most commons symptoms of depression are: Depression can have a big impact on a persons relationship. His mother became ill which he had to take care of her and his own medical issues. There's a book about male depression that's quite good - "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terence Real. My depressed boyfriend broke up with me - Tiny Buddha To him, breaking up is a self-defense mechanism as he assumes that pushing you away will allow him to focus on himself and prioritize his emotional health. Exes who become depressed after the breakup tend to crave a relationship with the dumpee whereas those who leave because of depression want a lot of alone time. Motivating him during times of distress and helping him follow a disciplined lifestyle may reduce his depressive symptoms. Ask him what exactly he feels about his situation. My boyfriend has a terrible relationship with his dad. Fight the illness together. Time does help just a bit too slow. Thats because he may not let go of the negative thoughts and emotions he associated with you. It hurts so bad, I have never felt so much emotional pain before. Although it wont help you get him back, it will give you some clarity and perhaps even closure. But it is important to keep in mind that, while dealing with depression, especially if he is not under treatment, be it therapy or medication, he might be experiencing intense depressive symptoms, and that is what is controlling their actions and behaviors right now. Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. When we broke up he told me the break up was neither our faults, that it was our trauma and he just couldnt meet my needs, that all he did was hurt me and I deserved better than him. Your partner did not choose to be in depression, remember that. Thats why he started to crave a life without you and detached completely. Im at a loss. For the past 7 years, I have had the smallest flickering of emotions, what I feel on a daily basis is practically nil. Thank you all. Most people rely on external things for happiness. stressful life experiences may affect your mental health in various ways sometimes trigger prolonged and severe emotional distress. She decided to break up because she doesnt want to keep being with me while she cant love me to the fullest, and hoping she wont keep feeling this way and wont hurt me while going through everything else that is going on in her stressful daily life. Distance yourself from him physically and leave him alone emotionally. Depression is such a condition which can seriously affect interpersonal relationships. We did not see much of each other face to face due to work schedules and because of the other things above. Why did my depressed boyfriend break up with me? - Quora Before you seek help from a mental health professional, try to understand what your partner is going through. This can be extremely painful because you feel used and discarded. You can tell them you are sorry it didnt work out, and let them. But some factors may make it easier for a person to feel depressed. We almost broke up in July but decided to try to work on things. There is a lot on Quora about why does my DP push me away? too. maybe we can talk privately? But even though you might keep hoping that they will come back, try to focus your energy in your healing process, and on yourself. His dad bullys and even choked him, constantly makes him feel like hes not enough. He has been diagnosed with Depression and Bi-Polar. So stay in no contact, get therapy, and do your best to get over your ex. Do I just still treat him like a dumper?! Those suffering from high-functioning depression are often their own worst critics, and its difficult to turn that criticism off. It often consists of unexpressed emotions that build up over time. They are also very critical about people around them and their own selves. like he used to. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. We have not spoken in two weeks. Your blog & articles truly helps me find my way during these tough times. My heart is broken. Even if you cannot stay with your partner, please help them get proper treatment and medication. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a month ago. He probably wants to distract himself so he doesnt see any reminders of you. hello, im going through something similar. He feels smothered by you and thinks he should stop feeling smothered before he can work on himself. They might start to push people away, as a way to not hurt others, and that is when they might break up with their partners. But now he thinks it is unfair to me; that he is unhappy, therefore can not make me happy. I feel heartbroken despite understanding why he is pulling away. Along with that, the article explained how a person can cope with a breakup. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Home Relationships My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided. Because they ran out of energy, they just take the blame and make it seem like their partners have nothing to do with their loss of feelings even though they know thats not the case. They cant just fix everything they need to fix because they think their exes are a big part of their issues. The following are some of the ways listed: Before you try reconnecting with your partner learn about what depression is and how its consequences lead to your breakup. Boyfriend broke up with me because he has depression and anxiety I am so stuck on thinking who he was just a short time ago and how he felt so lucky to have me to just withdrawing and wanting to be alone, completely. Its not his fault, but the pain is making you feel frustrated, forcing you to appear out of character. He told me that he love me and we made plans about the future , we were . Before the breakup, he ghosted me for a week almost & told me he needs to think about things. Do they match his words? This can make it hard for them to be around people, even if the person, their partner in that matter, is supportive and understanding. How is it going for you now? I was sad for him and sad for us. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me - HealingWell He also said that the breakup was something he had not thought about earlier, but since a few days only. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-netboard-1','ezslot_18',118,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-netboard-1-0'); Through that, you both will learn the best ways to help and communicate with each other. With them, you will build a great space of trust and support. Such behavior is no different from ordinary dumper behavior. Notice self-criticism.Learn how to self soothe. In my heart though there is a very big hole. She said she needs time and space to work on herself and she hopes that in time when she feels better, that well try and get back together, when shell have a clear fresh mind. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup. Its hard to see that right now, but give it some time and youll see. Ill work and focus on myself in the meantime, and will accompany her through this dark tunnel, whether it is as her best friend or her boyfriend, ill always be there for her and want her to be happy. I would try to make plans and he would always say "maybe" and then eventually would agree, although sounding like he had no interest. This came as a complete shock to me because because he talked to his mother about the divorce we were perfectly fine. It crushed me because I love him still and wanted to make things work. Is it possible hell come back to me when hes feeling ready? The only difference is that depressed dumpers blame the breakup on their depression whereas normal dumpers dont. Its not your fault I promise its me. And he cant adult right now. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-netboard-2','ezslot_20',121,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-netboard-2-0'); It can also be that they start to affect your sense of security. Along with that, your partner can become controlling.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_16',120,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); This is something that usually escalates as time goes by, and its main focus is to remove the persons autonomy and independence. if your girlfriend is depressed, she probably may feel worthless about herself. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the. Genetic inheritance may be a cause behind your partners depression which he has not got any control over. They can try to make you feel insecure about yourself and the relationship, and with that, the relationship might become co-dependent. Yes. If hes the kind of guy who blames himself, he could also feel extremely guilty. 1 Feb 20, 2017 #1 My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. Im scared he will move on from me during no contact & thatll be the end of our story for good. Thank you for sharing. Because they have problems, they often look for negatives in others and by doing so, ruin their own relationships. Everything went for the best, and we would travel to see each other during summers and winters. As the title suggests, my (ex) boyfriend who struggles with depression broke up with me. Last night he sent me a message and said ever since he talked to his mother about the divorce it scares him and he cant marry me. How did things evolve for you both ? Hes the dumper no matter what hes dealing with. Everything started to go downhill starting January 2021. And if you dont want to spend time together, why be in a relationship with the person? Hey, thank you for everything you have written, reading your messages makes me realise that I am not alone in this and there are other people living the exact same thing ! If he didnt care about you when you needed him the most, he doesnt deserve you at your best either. As a result, he concludes that hes better off on his own and that he needs to run away from people to focus on himself. I told him a week ago that i accept that he needs to be alone to figure himself out and that all I can say is that "i love you and want to be with you." I spoke about this to his psychiatrist as well as his parents. I regret i couldnt be there in real life for her when she needed me the most during the past months and due to COVID, i couldnt give her any physical love and reassure her, but i also know that i did everything i could, i was always there for her, and i made her the happiest girl on this world while i was her boyfriend. So treat his depressed state as any other breakup and take the usual post-breakup actions. Copyright OptimistMinds 2023 | All Rights Reserved. If anyone wants to connect and talk through it together, I would love that because none of my friends have been through this before to really advise :/. You need to. My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me: Now What? | BetterHelp I thought he might be depressed so I brought him flowers & food almost everyday although he didnt want to talk to me; hed barely looked at me in the face. Sorry for this long long essay, but it makes me feel much better writing it down and sharing it. You deserve so much better, youll be thankful that Im leaving you. He was crying while saying this to me. I have no desires to truly speak of, as nothing I do is rewarding or satisfying. This is exactly how anhedonia feels. As a result I continued to stay isolated from most people and could be a weight on his shoulder. But everything, all of that, vanished this Tuesday, 3 days ago. All she had was work, studies, and she had to learn to pay bills on her own, manage her money and have to worry about it. Surround yourself with loved ones. They tend to run away from problems and the negative emotions they connect with their exes as solving difficult problems requires a lot of willpower and dedication. I love him too much to watch him move on with someone else, that want him to be happy but I cant watch it. If your ex-boyfriend has a history of depression or his family members have suffered from depression before, you must consider his depression a serious matter. He was so sweet and loving. But after he went to the hospital that day, he stopped telling me loved me, stopped being affectionate and loving all together. Don't take it personally when he pushes you away or avoids your calls/texts 3. Studies suggest that people start to feel better around three months post-breakup. It makes you feel powerless with nothing helpful to say and do. Hi everyone, I am in my early 20s and my boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me because he's depressed. He couldn't explain much to meit was like, he didn't even know why he was feeling like this. He said he doesnt want to hurt me anymore than he already has. You'll get health news, advice, and inspiration delivered right to your inbox. What is important, when being in a relationship with someone that is struggling with mental illness is to be aware if they are looking for treatment, or are sticking to the one they are in. Its really hard to break up in our situation, so far away from each other. And it is a grieving process. Judge him by his pre-breakup and post-breakup behavior. To me, it feels like everything accelerated so fast and I dont understand where his feelings went. Thats why depressed dumpers dont go into detail too much. 2023 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Mature couples support each other no matter what emotional difficulties theyre going through. Despite the timezone and our distance, it didnt even felt like we were in different countries. After the breakup he still asked if I was ok and I started opening up on my issues and told him I was also guilty of bottling up issues, was not in the right space to handle his sons situation better and isolated myself and slowly becoming a weight on him. His friends had taken him to a psychiatrist & has been on medication ever since! Not only that, a person can become depressed because of the imbalance of their brain chemistry.